So I started my 2nd round of chemo yesterday. With the 3n1 dense dose. I made myself a nervous wreck before we went and regert not getting my “crying” out before I went in. I didn’t realize this until after getting my blood drawn. Usually it is simple process (my least favorite) they access my port and take blood. Well yesterday blood wasn’t wanting to come out. This meant flushing my port 5 times. Lots of deep breathing, lifting my arm up and just lots of random stuff until finally BLOOD. As soon as this was over it all just hit me. All my fears about starting this chemo just started racing my mind. The chance of neuropathy, an allergic reaction, my body rejecting the dense dose and many other things that could happen during the first hour of the infusion.
During my visit with the onocologist before my infusion I got another disappointment that I would have to come home with the immune system injection (neulasta) if I do the dense dose. Side effects (bone & muscle pain) are horrible with this injection and I was just looking forward to not having that this round considering this type of chemo also can cause same side effects amongst many others. But, again I told doctor I would rather suffer through whatever pain the next 2 months if it meant 4 treatments in 8 weeks instead of 12 treatments over 12 weeks. I also like that week break in there in between each treatment.
My doctor took some of my anxiety and fear away and I stood my ground with my decison and decided if I didn’t like this route I could always change to the 12 weekly. At least I would have 3 treatments down and that is a huge plus!! I got back to the chemo area and went over again all the things that could happen during infusion and when and if any of those things arise should I tell a nurse. I felt I was in good care & ready to get it done!
What a perfect day for me to meet Lauren, a massage therapist & contractor with Mosaic who comes and gives the cancer paitents foot massages!! Oh my goodness she took every last bit of my anxiety away and I was so relaxed!! She also gave me a certificate to come and recieve an hour service of my choice in her shop!! What a blessing she is!! I have never had a massage nor the time to get one!! So I am taking advantage of this now that my pain is worse than when I worked!! I can not imagine being on my feet or even trying to every day the way I did and am ready to do again after I beat cancer!! Long story short I was so scared and even said a few times, “I don’t want to go. I don’t feel good, let’s go home.” But, it was my nerves getting the best of me!! 1 out of 4 treatments down!! 3 to go!! Then onto radiation therapy which I am beyond scared about.
Radiation can cause lymphedema. The chances my doctor said is like flipping a coin. 50/50. So many things come with cancer. It is one thing/fear after another. I keep saying I can’t wait to be myself again when reality that person is gone and I need to learn to embrace this new that has changed so many spectrums of me and my life! Everyone’s support keeps me going. And my Grandpa, Sharon, Mike and Maliyah all being there through EVERY chemo, so many appointments and surgeries, without their support I would be lost. Not saying I don’t have those days of being lost but it is all of the support from loved ones who take that extra step that help me stay strong!! 🎗❤ #ThisToShallPass