OUR Untold Story As We Live It 💔 pt.3

Maliyah the day we left the hospital. We did alot of time killing and had lots of family quality time.

The question has been asked, where is my part 3 of my story. Has it been wrote. You never told us what happened. I was still living part 3 and all these emotions were like a rollar coaster and i wasn’t ready to relive this all over through my writing. I needed time to cope and evaluate and come to understanding with what was going on in my life. And to be honest this isn’t over and our story is still being lived and I am still trying to understand and comrehend my reality as we speak and why and how!

Going Back From Now to 5 Months Ago May 3 

This night still plays in my mind like a broken record. I still have that replay in my head without any warning. I can feel that same pain in my chest I did that night as we were rushing Maliyah to the hospital. That feeling of fear piercing through your chest as you watch your daughter and her concern that something is wrong with her as she keeps reasurring herself, Mommy, you got me?” “Me be ok, Mama,” she kept reassuring me she would be okay as she pushed my hand onto her chest and held it there I was the most scarred that I have ever been.  

So I held her as tight as i can. Even more scared at this point, for my daughter’s life and what was wrong with her, i am doing all that I can to keep my composure and not scare Maliyah, i had to hide my fear from her. So i switched the way I was holding her so I could apply as much pressure to her heart and chest as I possibly could as that was all that seemed to help calm her. When I did this I instantly saw some relief in her rapid breathing as she became more relaxed but, still not with it. Eyes rolling back and a wobbly head. I told her over and over mama had her. I continued to reasure her that I had her. 

As she was quiet and i continued applying presure I then was able to acknowledge how fast her poor little baby heart was beating. With fear of what could be causing this and if she was going to be ok, my anxiety is getting the best of me. My lack of control of my daughters condition and lack of knowledge of why was the worst. This was basically the worst and most unsettling anxiety I have ever that I had to get through, without showing any signs of what I was feeling. 

I wanted to cry. In my head my thoughts were racing trying to figure out what was wrong.  All I  could think was, “God PLEASE help me, PLEASE don’t take my baby away, she has filled apart of my heart I never knew was empty. I need her! 

As different scenarios ran through my head. Did she eat someone’s medication at either my Grandpa’s or my moms or maybe even digest some kind of chemical that may have  poisoned her. My thoughts were uncontrollable. But. I got control and I didn’t let Maliyah see my pain or fear, as I tried to keep her relaxed as I softly talked to her and kept her focused on me. Trying to keep her eyes on me and instead of rolling back in her head as she struggled to hold up her head.

That moment we were told she was being life flighted to Children’s Meecy after several shots failing to slow her heart rate down was the worst. I knew that was not good and Maliyah needed prayers and fast.  

As they prepared the car seat on the stretcher we said our I love your and we will be there right away. We poured our love out to her before she left in that life flight. What was next we had no idea.  had to hand her off to the nurses who she would be flying with on the Life Flight Eagle my heart just sunk to the ground.  Helpless doesn’t even begin to describe me as a mother in that moment.

Mike and Mikey (my oldest son, who was 12 at time) and up heading straight to Chidrens Mercy and ride home with my mom who us acting very worried and nervous with a bit of paranoia. I say something about I hope Maliyah isnt positive for meth and you didn’t let her eat any. She was very defensive while questioning what she could have at her house that Maliyah possibly had gotten into meds. She mentions Jerry’s diabetic pills and then states that she just knows it can’t be from her house, it no way could  could not have happened at her house. Tgat was her story and she was sticking to it. 

I am not sure who she was trying to convince more me or herself? I know her all to well and could see her concern that she wasnt for sure about her house situation and sounded as though she had meth in her house but,  therefore she insisted going home to.chdck meds and cleaning supplies. 

I, in my head knew at this point, that this was my moms fault and/or she was just high and paranoid. But, she was covered in worry and fear and acting rather suspicious and just not normal. She was actually too much and making me very mad with her remarks and worry for herself and being on probation bla bla bla. I ended up finally yelling at her that all that matters is that Maliyah is ok and if it happened at her house that she needs to own up to her mistake. Sp we can help her. That I could forgive her if she has been using. ONLY if she could admit to being in a bad state of mind and that she could have accidently left meth in Maliyah’s access and honestly wasn’t sure. She at this time did not confirm for sure it didn’t happen at her house and, suggested she didn’t understand how this could have happened.  But, I knew in my heart, if Maliyah did test positive for methamphetamines I knew the only possible place it could happen would have been at my mom’s. Which is sad but, true, she had only been at my Grandpa’s and then at the restaurant with Mike, my Grandpa, Ed and I whsn we were working on the floor.

Which shortly after is when my mom wanted to come pick her up to come eat dinner with her and Jerry, my stepdad. I hadn’t been speaking to my mom on a regular basis and Maliyah hadn’t been over there for a few days so I agreed so we could get the floor done with out having to keep an eye on what she was getting into. She was normal when she left the restaurant and right after we picked her up out at my mom’s, we went to DG where she got away from me and was running through the store like an escaped zoo animal. Took two workers and myself to block her off and catch her. Straight from there we went home. That’s when she began acting different and scaring the hell out of me. The clip below is how it all began.

Arriving With My Mom to Children’s Mercy 3:30am

Walking into ICU, here come the emotions. Maliyah is in a crib that the sides go up making it look as though she is in a cage and she has so many wires and machines hooked up to her she can hardly move without being tangled.

I look at Mike and Mikey who are standing beside the crib talking to her as my stomach again feels as though it’s dropping into the floor and the helpless feeling of not being able to make her better and make her safe all comes rushing back at full force. Meanwhile my crazy mom is pacing the floor back and forth, back and forth outside of the room. She is making calls and at one point walks down the hall on the phone. At the time it didn’t bother me I didn’t want to look at her because I was angry. I had this gut feeling and it wasn’t a good one. As much as I didn’t want her to test positive for meth and as much as it hurt that if she did it was because of my own mom, it was all so overwhelming and too much to comprehend at that moment. All I wanted to do was hold and comfort my scared little baby who is locked up like an animal in a cage. Mike has the assumption she is in this “cage” because they think we hurt her and they are keeping her safe from us. That was unsettling to my stomach.  I instantly go to the hall and ask a nurse if I can hold my baby and what is going on. They tell me of course we could hold her. She was put in this bed before we arrived and it was for her own safety as no one was right there to make sure she didn’t fall out of the bed. That made me feel a little better.

Maliyah is not going to sleep and she can’t sit still. After tossing and turning and acting all drugged up from the meds they gave her in Chillicothe. It was hard to see her like this. And scary at the same time especially when they decide to again give her more of this medication that is to have the opposite effect of meth. That to me seemed like so much for a little body to take. If she was feeling the effects of meth and then getting all this medication to bring her down all I could think about is those people who take pills that send there body one way and then another and end up falling asleep and never waking up. They had something in her diaper to catch her pee to do another test to identify what what was going on. She had texted positive for caffeine and amphetamine at the first hospital, but this test would go more into detail and enable them to find out exactly what she consumed. After no luck with the getting a sample in her diaper they decide they should try a different approach.

Maliyah had finally relaxed after throwing up several times and crying so helpless as we couldn’t soothe her or relax her but, finally she gave up and cried herself to sleep. Not ten minutes later here comes a nurse with a cathidure and decides they are going to get some pee because why let my daughter who hasn’t slept in ober 24 hours sleep. You can tell this hurting her and she wasn’t pleased about being awoke.  She was instantly back in tears crying and in pain. And after all that turns out the nurse wasn’t able to even get enough pee. So she leaves to find out next step. My mom who seems wide awake offers to hold Maliyah because I couldn’t  keep my eyes open at this point. 

My mom took her and rocked her for a dew hours. She threw up a few times on her and my mom continued comforting her as she cleaned her up and got her in a sort of sleep state. I know she loves her as I know this was not intention but, was  this was preventable. This didn’t have to happen.

Mike, Mikey and I laid on the cold hospital floor and somehow fell asleep. Not sure exactly the time frame but, early that morning, thats when the questiining began so its safe to assume she was positive for metganphetimine. 

Social Service woman is first to arrive and ask if we can come answer some questions and we agree. My mom who is still holding Maliyah stayed in the room with her and Mikey while we went to answer questions. 

She had us tell her what Maliyah had done all day where she went and asked if she could have had access to methamphetamine. We said no she did not. We were hurt.. I explained how the day had gone, and then got to how I had picked her up from my moms only 10 to 20 minutes before she started having what appeared at first to be a panic attack, but I was unsure as I had never seen anything like it. She couldn’t sit still and she kept saying I be ok. I be ok. I was instantly concerned. 

Later that afternoon we are advised by social worker that we need to go to the address she gives us and take drug tests and she then asks where my mom was. I assumed she went downstairs and call her to find out she left. They want to question her and have her take a drug test as well. While tgey are investigating and trying to figure out how Maliyah consumed meth, we are then advised NONE of our four kids are allowed to be with my Grandpa or my Mom. What a nightmare. We are stuck at hospital while other 2 kids are at home alone and all the family that we have close they are not allowed to have contact with.  I know my Grandpa was hurt by this. He is around my kids and takes them places everyday and he just didn’t understand why he couldn’t see them and wanted to anyway, but no way was I taking the chance when we had strict orders. 

Maliyah arrives in the hospital May 3 and was in ICU until May 5. She then relocated to a room where we all were so much more comfortable. There was more than just the crib and we all were able to get comfortable which was very much needed. Things began to look up. Maliyah was finally eating and getting back “to herself” by that weekend. 

She wasn’t all the way back to normal or sleeping normal yet, but the progress was a breath of fresh air. The idea that she may not make it through this was no longer a worry.  All of the kids came that weekend to try and surround Maliyah with as much love and normality as possible.  All she kept saying is me go home so the arrival of her siblings was a happy moment! We kept her busy the next couple of days. We had a little set up where I could sit and hold her and her IV while one of the older kids punched us around the halls. She was miserable stuck in that room and we were desperate! When we weren’t cruising the halls we would be playing with all of the toys in the play area or watching Disney movies in the room. We kept her happy and the happier she was the more she started acting “like herself.”

Later Saturday afternoon we were informed that with out our drug test results and a home inspection we would not be allowed to take our children home.  We were looking at Tuesday or Wednesday on the drug test. We were informed Sunday that she was being released on that next day which was Monday, May 8. So it was a relief to be released from the hospital but, Maliyah wasn’t happy when we weren’t returning home to our beds and all of her toys. Our drug result tests were taking an eternity to come back and we were beyond frustrated after staying several nights with at friends anda few nights in hotels. So i finally asked if we could possibly just go take another one tgat the results show up right then and there so I could get my babies home where they belong. It had been a mentally and exhausting 2 weeks. We were all irritated and short fused at this point. We all just wanted to be in the comfort of our own home. It had been way too long. And the fact we could have our 4 children just not in our home which had been inspected just blew my mind. Because we were in fact using meth we would not to do it unless we were at our own home. Makes perfect sense right?

Well finally after 5 more nights staying where ever we could, we were finally  were given the amazing news we had all been waiting for. That being that we were free to take our babies home and sleep in our own beds. Oh wow the relief and happiness that that brought to us all was amazing!

My mom ended up being charged with child endangerment and is currently still in custody waiting for her next court date. 

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